Silence

Please join me in mourning the passing of my beloved Sister, friend, and lover, Lulu Malone.  If you have enjoyed her writing, you have noted her absence from this forum for some time.  I would like to encourage the celebration of her memory with the following:

 

Lulu worked and lived as a Thelemite.  It was her Will to aid in any way that she could in the re-establishment of the female in her proper place in society, and in the cosmos.  She lived honestly, honorably, and with love in her heart.  She lived to express beauty and joy.  Everything that she did was to this end.

 

To honor her memory, please help her by honoring the female—in all women, and through devotion to the Divine Female as goddess.  By so doing, you can only bring honor to yourself.

 

We miss you.  We love you.

 

Myowna.

It’s All So Ugly, After All

 

Whew.  It’s almost April.  Then, seven months to go, and we get to see who wins the Realty Show “Great American Election.”  Let’s take a peek at what is developing now, shall we?

The Clinton’s are, well, Clintony.  Bill is essentially campaigning for John McCain.  Hillary is too, actually.  They keep talking and talking about how great he is.  They have apparently in all their fervor and wisdom decided it is better to slay Obama and potentially the Democratic Party and hand the country to John McCain in the event that Hillary doesn’t get the nomination.  Bully for them.  That’s the spirit.  I backed this woman.  Fuck me.

Obama gave one of the most amazing speeches I’ve heard in a long time on race in this country.  He gave it in response to the controversy surrounding his former pastor’s comments that were made public.  What is really sad to me is that most of what was said by his pastor, despite making us uncomfortable, is the truth.  Not his racial slams, but the statements and facts about being black in America.  I am so tired of indignant fools.  If we can’t hear the truth, we don’t deserve Democracy.  We haven’t earned it.  How can we, as a country, grow and become better if we don’t face reality and learn from our mistakes.  Grow up, Americans, before it is too late.  Stop being so fucking sensitive, and admit your failings.  We can criticize our country, you know?  It is not treason.  It is introspection.

How disrespectful is it, anyway, to deny the reality experienced by a group of people.  If you don’t belong to the group, you can’t really say how it feels to be a part of it.  Empathy is a beautiful thing.  So is respect, and sincerity.   Can’t we do better than this? 

Ironically, I did a couple of Tarot readings the other night regarding who will win the election.  The readings are still saying what they said months ago.  Now, the person who will win, according to the cards, is not currently running.  I am still getting an Aries, and a Gemini.  I have no clue why, or what it means.  Maybe nothing?  Time will tell.  I am not going to put the bulk of the reading here.  It just makes no sense.  If it comes true, I’ll tell you.  I honestly can’t say now.  Too much is unknown.

I still feel ominous clouds surrounding the election.  I still feel waves moving in:  4 or 5 that are not yet realized.  I know it doesn’t make sense.  I can’t translate it well.  I just have to wait and see.  I would rather have Barack’s “Hope.”  Maybe he can pull it off?  Why, then, do I see in my peripheral vision–the place of some “visions”, the edges crinkling in, like they are being burned and melted?  You know the way plastic looks as it heats and burns–how it twists and changes shapes, and shrinks and crinkles?  That is what I see.  That is the next several months of American politics. 

Well, At Least It’s Spring

Time flies when you’re cleaning up dog pee.  I have been too tired and busy to write, much to my dismay.  Now I have a back log of posts sputtering around my brain.  So, this will be a collection of thoughts.  Happy Spring Equinox, by the way.  I am so excited this year, because a lot is blooming for me in my life, despite the crap at my feet.  Well, maybe the crap is fertilizer.

Politics, politics, politics.  I am tired of the Clinton’s.  I am tired of the tiredness of their tactics.  I am tired of wanting Hillary to be THE woman candidate to win and be worthwhile, only to be embarrassed by things she says and does.   I am tired of the Spinning Bill.

Obama’s speech on race was touching and inspiring, and here I am, mouth open, though kicking myself at the same time.  Mouth is open because I can’t believe what the right wing is doing with his speech, and kicking self because of course the right wing is doing that with his speech.  What do you do when you live in a country dominated by people too stupid to understand basic discourse, logic, commonsense, honesty and integrity?  Move?  Is there anywhere to go that is any better?

Well, look out, Whitehouse, because we may end up with a President McCain.  Then, there will be somewhere better to move.  Hey, maybe the guys over at Beats Entropy could put me up for a while until I find a place.  I hope they like chickens (n0 eating my chickens!)  I am thinking that the Democrats will fight each other, then when they finally get if figured out around the Fourth of July and enter the race for the general election, they will be out of money, and start to realize that while they were all pulling each others hair and bitch slapping each other, they forgot that they were going to have to really fight.  Oh, wait, that’s right, the Left think that fighting is rude and not PC, so they don’t do that sort of thing.  [Not that I am calling the Left pussies, or anything].   The Right eats nothing but hot peppers for two years before every campaign just so they can fart fire for added effects, but who’s counting?  Yeah, President McCain. 

Oh, but what about all those motivated Democrats out voting voting voting?  I guess I’m feeling a bit cynical.  Show me the money, baby, show me the money.

OK,  now, let’s see.  Oh yeah, recession.  Are you feeling it yet?  I mean, besides the $3.50 per gallon gas.  

 I watched the first two parts of the John Adams program on HBO this past week.  It was all about the founding of America.  There they were, deciding to break away from that pesky king of England.  Our Founding Father’s (and Mothers)–drafting the Declaration of Independence, negotiating between the 13 colonies about whether or not to go ahead and war with England, and deciding, sure, yeah, sounds good.  I guess, why not, better then the alternative, I will if he does, stuff like that.  Freedom.  A notion that fed the fire and desire for autonomy and independence.  As a Thelemite, I am all about that.

I liked watching it, and thinking about it, and wondering what it would be like to be so inspired and alive: to prepare to birth a nation [and I thought giving birth to two kids was a challenge].  I thought about what their daily lives were like:  the kind of work they did, every day, which included the constant production and maintenance of their basic needs.  They had to farm, as well as work, as well as do everything themselves.  Yet, they found the time and energy to fight for what they believed in–to inspire themselves to move forward, to dream, to accomplish incredible things despite the seemingly impossible odds.  It was just the way life was.

What the hell is our excuse?  Could you tell me that?  We have everything at our fingertips:  basic needs, convenience, technology, and what the fuck are we doing?  Playing video games, sitting on our asses getting ridiculously fat, and growing increasingly stupid.   When we fight, it is most often over incredibly stupid things.  I am not sure we are fit to exist.  Lazy, self-indulgent, uninspired.  Most people are content living their lives on their ass watching TV and eating sugar fat.  Thank god they invented the remote control. 

I would like to go back and sit in during the Constitutional Convention and tell the Founding Fathers a few things, and maybe make a few suggestions:

1)  Please make it unconstitutional for sons of Presidents to be eligible for election.

2)  It might be a good idea to rig some sort of device that would send electric shocks through politicians when they lie.  Unless it’s Cheney–he gets off on that.  In his case, make him have to listen to Minnie Pearl over and over again.

3)  Perhaps the Congress should have to be make up proportionally of gender and race in relation to the percentages of gender and racial diversity in the population of the country.  So, more than 50% of the Congress would be women, and so on.

4)  You get the idea.

5) Oh, and when the Democrats say they want to have Caucus’ and Primaries, and Super Delegates, and proportional distribution of delegates, and tea and cake, and and and–slap them, and send them to their room to think about what they’ve done.

So, what are your plans for Spring?  I am restructuring my business (yay), and recording music (yay), and getting ready for the Three Days (yay, and oooh), housebreaking a puppy (yay, oops), Spring Cleaning (well, I intend to, hopefully I’ll get time), spending time outside in the nice warm sun (yay), getting ready to plant landscaping plants (yay), getting ready to start several offshoots of my business (yay), and, oh yeah, writing (yay).

Happy Spring!

Love, Lulu.

Out…of…Breath

New puppy….running…feed puppy….take puppy out…..haven’t had time to write…..peepee papers…..time to go out……feed puppy…..work….running…….play with puppy…..take puppy out…..feed cats….feed fish…..feed birds…..feed puppy….take puppy out…..play with puppy… take puppy out……put puppy to bed…..pass out dead tired.

(7 week old White German Shepherd named Jasmine.)

Most Effective Form of Torture

In these war-torn days, there has been much discussion about torture, and how it is best accomplished.  Water boarding has been a popular topic in America.  I would like to submit the following:

 There is no better form of torture, complete with intolerable pain, and heart shredding torment, than that which can be enacted by a child upon a parent.

 Sigh.

 That is all I have to say.

Perhaps a Miracle

I think I have made one of the most important discoveries of my life, and that is that all of my health problems may be due to yeast.  I had glanced at the yeast theory while on my quest for answers to my incredible health issues over the last 2+ years, but found this by accident, and it all started with a vaginal yeast infection.

I had a borderline infection starting a few weeks ago, and decided to try a holistic treatment.  I found a product at our local CO-OP called Candex, which I started taking.  Within two days I noticed a reduction in overall pain.  That led me to the Internet, and a search for yeast related health issues.  Guess what?  Everything I have:  every symptom, every diagnosis, every food issue, sensitivity, chemical intolerance, pain–everything, can be explained by yeast.  This is the first time I have found a core issue that could explain my problems.  Even my Vitamin B deficiencies, my nerve damage, my auto-immune issues, my digestive issues.

If you have Fibromyalgia, autoimmune disorder(s), or a child with Autism, food allergies; if you have depression, can’t lose weight, food addiction, problems with alcohol–you may have a yeast problem.  Go right now to www.amazon.com or other site and order this book:  An Extraordinary Power to Heal by Bruce Semon, M.D., Ph.D. and Lori Kornblum.  Please.  I have not even started the treatment fully in the book, but with the Candex I am taking, plus my altered diet I was already on, I have had such a dramatic reduction in pain, increase in energy, and feeling of wellness that I know this is it.  I have found it.

The only way to do this is to change your diet.  I have addressed this in some of my posts already, and through trial and error, and by finding different possibilities for my symptoms, I had already done a lot of the dietary changes that are described in this book.  I have since made the other changes.  This may not seem like much to some people, but I have gone from, three weeks ago, having trouble walking, pain in most of my joints, muscle issues, deep gnawing bone pain, face numbness, hand numbness, problems moving my arms sometimes, night sweats, and many other symptoms to just a handful of symptoms left.  That is three weeks of partial treatment for yeast.  I haven’t even started the entire treatment.  I am going to get well.

This book has case studies and will educate you on food toxins that cause many problems.  If you have an ill child with profound illness read this book. 

My food cravings are gone.  I have already lost 7 pounds.  The most important symptom:  for the first time in over two years I have gone from feeling my vitality and life-force being drained away from me and having to fight to hold onto it, to feeling it come back.  It is not just coming back–it is surging back.  A person who has never had a profound illness such as cancer or auto-immune disease cannot understand what this feels like.  It is like a very slow, drawn out dying.  It is a fading away, and constant battle to hold on to vitality and energy.  It is like a slow bleed.

The tide turned 1-2 days after I started treating the yeast.  I am not talking about the vaginal yeast infection.  I am talking about systemic yeast.  Please, if you are ill, and you read this, and you try this, come back and let me know how it works for you.  Let’s help each other, and spread the word.  The medical community does not recognize this issue, but with our help, many people can have a good life again.

Love,

Lulu

PS–You have to change how you eat.  Otherwise, you will not get well.  There is no food worth being ill, so DO IT.

At Least I’m Appreciated

Max, my first blog crush, has validated my lyrics to another one of the songs I wrote last year, for she called me incorrigible, which I myself said, as you can see.  It follows:

I’ve Been Around

I’ve been down, to the river

I’ve been ‘round, the bend

I’ve been over, the rainbow

I’ve been under, the willow

I’ve been defined

I’ve been perpendicular, to the highway

I’ve been in touch, with myself

I’ve been incorrigible, chastised

I’ve been insatiable, repeatedly

I’ve been disquieted

I followed the lord down to his den of iniquity

He’s such a kidder, that guy

We made love for 40 days and nights

And when it was over, we said our goodbyes

I’ve been misinterpreted, I’ve been recognized

I’ve been allowed, to remember

I’ve been dramatically renovated

I’ve been realized, all over

I’ve been around

I’ve been naughty, in your neighborhood

I’ve been blamed, again

I’ve been hungry, in the beginning

I’ve been drained, and asleep

I’ve been rewarded

I followed the lord down to his den of iniquity

He’s such a kidder, that guy

We made love for 40 days and nights

And when it was over, we said our goodbyes

I’ve been born, I’ve died

I’ve been honest, I’ve lied,

I’ve been alive, I’ve been on a subway

I’ve been squandered, and misplaced

I’ve been satisfied

I’ve been judicious, once or twice

I’ve been excited, and tired

I’ve been curious, megalomaniacal

I’ve been stigmatized, by some

I’ve been high

I followed the lord down to his den of iniquity

He’s such a kidder, that guy

We made love for 40 days and nights

And when it was over, we said our goodbyes

I’ve been alerted, I’ve been warned,

I’ve been stupid, I’ve sworn,

I’ve been expedient, sometimes difficult

I’ve been late, for work

I’ve been around

Now I am sure I get annoying at times.  I am sarcastic, and inappropriate, and butt in, and flirt too much, but still.  I like to have fun, and all in all, nothing is better than a mentally stimulating and challenging conversation.  Max is great for that. 

Lyrics copyrighted 2007 –So Wrong Songs

Repression

Wow, I gotta tell you–it takes a lot to surprise me, but I was surprised by what my friends told me this weekend.  Surprised, disappointed, and disgusted.  My friends own a kick-ass store called Soma Luna.  They have been selling online for six years, and along with unusual and hard-to-find decor and incredible resins, they manufacture and sell very impressive unscented candles.  We were chatting, and this is what they told me:

On Friday, they were initiating a large purchase from a candle manufacturer.  They had decided to stop manufacturing themselves, and so found a vendor, and applied for a wholesale account.  The vendor is Keystone Candle Company, which also goes by the name of US Candle Company.  Everything was set, the purchase had been made, the credit card have been charged, and at the end of the day, my friends received a call.  Apparently, the owner of the business, with whom my friend had been dealing, had gone to her website.  He told her the following:

He would not sell to her, because he is Christian, and his is a Christian family business.  He told her that the Bible teaches that things like Wicca are “bad.”  He said he saw that they sell items associated with Wicca, and that he cannot sell to her.   He was especially alarmed by their “Show Us Your Temple” page, and could not have his candles used for “things like that.” 

Now, these people, the ones that send in these pictures, are mostly Earth-Centric Pagans, who love nature.  OH MY GOD–how evil.  This guy would not sell candles to my friends because they are Pagan, and sell Pagan Spiritual items.  Now my friend is not as angsty as me, but she did have the presence of mind to tell him “I thought Christians were supposed to be non-judgemental?”  His response?  “Oh, it’s nothing personal.”

 Now, I don’t know about you, but I am now boycotting this “person’s” company, and any business who sells his candles.  I would like to ask all Pagan’s and Heathens  out there reading this to pass this on, and join me in boycotting his “Do Unto Other’s” ass.  My friends sell to all people, of all religions.  They do not discriminate, nor would they think of doing so.  Once again, Pagans, who are thought to be “evil”, are generous and kind, while a Christian chooses to actively discriminate based on personal spiritual beliefs or perspectives.  

This is only one of a multitude of incidents I have witnessed over the years, and it is getting worse instead of better.  I bet he would love me–queer, Heathen, mouthy, and sexual.  People like him make this world a very ugly place.  I dislike monotheism, but I respect a person’s right to choose to practice one of those religions.  It is every person’s right to decide what path to follow.  How can we as a society tolerate people like this who dictate to others.  I don’t care if he thinks Paganism is evil–he has to if he is monotheistic if he follows what he is taught.  He can talk all he wants about us.  To not recognize our rights to pursue our own paths, however, despite what he thinks?  This I cannot tolerate.  This is one of the reasons I hate Christianity:  part of its dogma is conversion of others, and I feel this to be one of the ultimate violations. 

Leave us alone.

The Value of Emotions

This is a piece I wrote several years ago:  

 

Emotions are a spiritual language.  It is one of the languages used for communication between a priestess and the spirit world.  This language transmits the nature of the spirit to the priestess, and gives her the ability to form and relate an image of the spirit to herself and others.  Emotions are a reaction to thought, and it is often through emotions that a priestess can determine the answers to some questions, and to explain visual images and unspoken ideas.  Women are the masters of emotion.  Society has taught its people that emotions are a weakness, and emotional expression is devalued.  Emotional knowledge and understanding is a tremendous strength, as is the ability to interpret and express emotion in a way that is understood by others.  It is through the use of emotions that women can open themselves to the Universe, and experience and grow in a spiritual way.  The use of emotional language begins developing in childhood, and develops through exploration and expression.

 

I was brought much comfort and joy as a child by being a girl, and I embraced my femininity.  From a young age I felt emotions very deeply.  I would sit and relish the incredible depth of feelings that poured through me in torrents, like a great river that swelled and dipped according to the needs of the Great Mother Earth.  The Earth communicated to me through feelings, as she still does.  When in the forest, it was the touch of a tree, the feel of the loamy earth, the smell of the leaves and forest floor, and the heat of the rays of the sun through the branches that gave me the feelings of peace and the power and energy of life.  Such contact with pure life brings me inexpressible joy.

 

I remember sitting with my small hands on my lap, letting salty tears flow down my face.  The wet streaks cooled my warm cheeks and dripped from my chin.  Some of the tears would find their way to my lips, and my tongue would wonder at their saltiness.  My mother would wonder why I would sit there crying, not finding a reason for it when she asked me.  I was exploring the very dark corners and shadows of a deep sadness, one tear drop at a time.  As the drops turned to rivulets, I felt the energy of the sadness as it slowly seeped through the waters of my body, and the essence of my spirit.  At the time, I did not understand the origins of this sadness.  It did not come from the recesses of my mind, but from a current of energy in the Universe.  I did feel its importance, and knew that I must experience and seek to understand what it meant, how it felt, and what its message was.

 

 I was at that time experiencing the awakening of emotional language.  This was the beginning of my journey to understanding how to apply and use emotions, and how to express them in ways that would allow me to communicate in worlds that most people never enter.  This process was part of my value, my identity, and my purpose of being female, yet this was not reinforced in the society around me.  For years I struggled to make peace with what I knew was my true nature, and what society had prescribed for me.  We, as humans, are encouraged to smile and show “positive” feelings, but are often shunned for expressing “negative” ones.  It is time to relinquish such ideals and be who we truly are.  Emotions convey experience and thought, and can lead to the exploration of self.  They are tools for understanding, and for healing one’s own spirit.  Emotions contain answers to deep, unanswered questions, and unexplored ideas.  The trend of society to encourage distance from emotions is a dangerous cycle to perpetuate.

 

The more one seals oneself off from emotions, the more isolated and disconnected one becomes.  While emotions can be suppressed, they can not be gotten rid of.  The only way to make peace with unpleasant emotion is to face it, explore it, and understand it. Through this process one is able to resolve or come to terms with the existence of this emotion, and heal the spirit of its impact.  Suppression takes an incredible amount of energy; energy which is constantly being tapped to create a shell or wall of protection.  This robs a person of vital energy that can instead be used for personal growth and development.  A person in the habit of such suppression is certainly not able to connect well with others, be them human or spiritual.  Such a process holds a person captive and static.

 

 Recognizing and utilizing the strength of emotional language is extremely difficult for many people.  This developmental process is necessary if one seeks to develop oneself as both a human and a spiritual being.  It is my hope that more people will see women as a resource for such development, and will cast off society’s preoccupation with manufactured and convenient emotion.  In order to explore ourselves and our Universe, we must enable ourselves by being true to who we are.

 

Picture used with permission from Soma Luna

Falling From Grace

Some of the things I hold most dear in life are honesty and integrity.  I try to live my life according to these ideas.  That is why, in light of the past week or so, I have withdrawn my support of Hillary Clinton’s candidacy for President, and why I now will endorse Obama.  It is with a bit of a broken heart that I do so, not because of Barack Obama, who I have always said is a good, earnest man.  It is because of the hopes I had placed in Hillary, and how she has let me down.

The phenomenon surrounding Obama is more than just his doing.  The current in the air is one that awaited a catalyst, and he is such a catalyst.  It is his time, after all I have said and considered, and perhaps the last few weeks have been what has changed my mind.  Obama has addressed, in his speeches, all the concerns and criticism I have raised in my writing (and things left in my mind) as if he had read my blog, which I know he hasn’t, but it was enough for me to feel that I can put my confidence in him.  

 Hillary, on the other hand, has degraded.  She has buckled under pressure.  Instead of taking the high road, maintaining her integrity, and refusing to engage in pettiness, she has embraced it.  All it would have taken would for her to have been herself.  Not orchestrated, but passionate.  Not calculated, but sincere.  Not contrived, but genuine.  I thought she had it in her, but now I am not so sure.  This is why her critics have been so hard on her, and when I saw the inside of her, I thought she would and could show it to the world, but her nature is not one that will permit her to do so.

There are components of society that are stacked against her as well, which was all the more reason for her to maintain her dignity and integrity, as Obama seems to, but she has not.  I expect tactics from both sides, and have seen them, but Hillary is rapidly eroding into an icon of bitterness and anger which does not give me, or many, I would think, confidence that she can run a country.  We have had eight years of emotional decision making.  No one wants to see any more resentment and anger on the part of their leader, not for something like a Primary. 

I find it sad–sad because I think she has wonderful ideas, plans, and competence to carry them out.  That is not enough from a leader, though, especially after the spectacle that is George Bush.  The best thing Hillary could have done was to recognize the unity behind Obama and embraced it–joined it.  That way, Hillary could have risen above her desires and proven that her interests are with the country.  That way, she could have run another day, another time, and people would have grown in their respect for her.  When has such a strong candidate ever just stepped aside in recognition of a higher purpose?  She could have been the first.  Instead, she may not have a future in Presidential politics. 

I think I was wrong in thinking she would be Vice President.  I will always admit when I am wrong.  I saw her potential, but unfortunately she didn’t reach it.  I have the ability to see the potential in most everyone, though it doesn’t always come to fruition.  This is my achilles heal in predictive practice, because I pick up and read what is inside people, but very often they disappoint me because they can’t get past their issues to realize it.

 No matter–what is important is where we are going as a country, and what we can do as a people.  I do know, that if another Republican wins, I will likely move to another country.  I am not kidding.  I have seen enough to know to do that.

At the conclusion of the last debate, Hillary showed her good side.  The pundits were so excited.  What they failed to remember was that she did the same thing in L.A.  That was one of the reasons why I thought she would be Vice President.  What I think is happening is that she peeks out, and shines, but that her campaign advisors are butt-heads who are steering her in the wrong direction.  The most disappointing thing about that is that she is not enough of a leader to fire them (including Bill if he is one of them) and take the reigns.  Either that, or she has bad judgement about her campaign, too.  Whichever is the case, not the most inspiring traits for the leader of the free world.

 So, we can conclude that I suck ass at Presidential prediction, and/or that Hillary is sucking ass at being likeable.  That is pretty much it.

See bottom of photo for credit